Written by By: Allyson Eads LISW-S
Grey Space Counseling, LLC
Accessing therapy can be equally frustrating, disheartening, rewarding, and comforting. If you are considering looking for a therapist for the first time or thinking about leaving your current therapist and finding a new one, here are some things to consider on your journey.
“What brings you in?”
There are many acceptable and “normal” reasons why someone may want to start or return to therapy. It’s essential to identify your “why” so that you can better establish your expectations for yourself and your potential therapist.
You may be entering or reentering therapy for general mental wellness and to have a safe space to talk about your current stressors, or work through a difficult transition in your life. If this is you, looking for a talk therapist may be a great place to start. Your first therapist choice may work well for you, but that isn’t the case for everyone. I still encourage you to find someone who aligns with your values and makes you feel comfortable via their bio, introductory consult call, or social media content.
Another common reason someone may enter therapy is that they hope to have diagnosis-specific treatment and support. Maybe you were recently evaluated and were diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, or Borderline Personality Disorder. Many diagnoses, such as these, have specific therapy approaches that are evidence-based and created to support a particular diagnosis. If this is you, there are a few things to remember:
1. Even though another provider evaluated you, remember that most therapists like to form their assessment of you and your reported symptoms. There have been many times I have had a client come to me saying they were previously diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. After further evaluation, I found that ADHD was a more appropriate summarization of their symptoms.
2. If you have a new diagnosis and you are on the journey of learning new coping strategies, I highly suggest you look into what an appropriate therapy modality would be. Then you can add this to the filter when looking for a therapist. Some examples of therapy modalities include Emotion Focused Therapy, EMDR, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy/Radically Open DBT, Internal Family Systems, and Cognitive Processing Therapy. Each of these modalities will address your core concerns in vastly different ways; there is no one size fits all and they each bring something to the table. Many of these therapy modalities may also have built in session formats and/or homework that will be essential in its’ effectiveness.
Examining Your Expectations
Let’s say you found a couple of contenders and are ready to set up that first appointment. Take a few moments to ask yourself these questions and see what aligns with the therapist.
For how long will I see myself going to therapy? Indefinitely? 3-6 months? After I address a specific goal? How important is it that my therapist holds similar political beliefs, religious practices, lifestyle/hobbies, is close to my age, or matches my current relationship/parenting status? Does their schedule and availability fit my needs? Do I want/need to be seen weekly? Monthly? Only available Saturdays? Do they offer both in-person and virtual? Do they take my insurance, or am I OK with their established Self-Pay rate? Do they offer sliding-scale, and if so, is that limited to a certain number of sessions? What’s their cancellation policy, and is that something I can adhere to at this
time in my life?
Discussing some of these things, like money and spiritual beliefs, in the beginning may feel awkward. The information may be crucial to establishing healthy expectations if these subjects aren’t currently addressed in their therapist’s profile.
Please keep in mind that therapists are humans just like you. We have complicated home lives, we have illnesses and physical pain, we have childhood trauma, we have aging parents, we have children with high support needs, we have limits. None of us became therapists because we reached the varsity level of enlightenment. Good, ethical, compassionate therapists can appropriately utilize their life experience so that it does not take away from the session but rather enhances it. If a therapist elects to refer you out to another provider, please know that this is for YOUR benefit and not because you are “too messed up”. A competent therapist knows when to consult and/or refer because it will ultimately benefit your growth.
Preparation
Now let’s speed up a little to the part where you landed a killer therapist that “gets” you and the two of you are on a roll. You might be thinking, “How do I get the most out of this?” Here are some ways I like to encourage and practice preparing for therapy.
- Either the day of or a couple of days leading up, I think intentionally about what I want to
process or talk about during my session (this is primarily relevant for talk therapy).
Especially if you struggle with memory, I HIGHLY suggest you keep a bullet journal or
notes app on your phone about what happened since you last met. These could be actual
events or conversations that have taken place that you want to dig deeper into, or they
could be insights or memories from the past you hope to process during the session. - Keep the hour before and after therapy on the lighter side when scheduling. I know this
can be tricky to do. As a working mom of 3, it can be challenging to fit therapy in when
schedules are already hectic. Even if it’s 20 minutes before and after, this can be a great
way to set intentions before therapy, gather your thoughts and priorities, and then follow it
up with taking some notes or sitting with the emotions before moving on to the next thing. - If your therapist is giving you homework, do it even if it sounds corny or unrealistic, at
least attempt to do it or find a way to adjust it so that it is doable. If you are resistant or
reluctant to try the homework, lean in and be curious. Do you believe it likely won’t help?
Have you tried this before, and do you fear wasting your time? - This is for you, my beautiful, conflict-avoidant, People-Pleasers. Don’t be afraid to tell
your therapist what you need. WE are human, and though some therapists have
heightened intuition, we CANNOT read minds. Suppose you are leaving sessions feeling
unheard or feeling like something is off. In that case, this can be a great opportunity to - work on the therapeutic relationship by saying, “I’ve been feeling stuck during our
- sessions lately, do you think we can maybe try something new?” Your therapist likely has
- been picking up on the same thing, and now you can brainstorm a path forward together.
- Address basic needs. Use the restroom even if it means you’re a few minutes late. Get
yourself a little snack and your favorite drink. Put your phone on silent. Try to ground
yourself and be present in the session. You likely won’t get as much out of it if you are
distracted by your tummy, bladder, or the work emails you keep checking. If you are
coming from home or have the opportunity, wear something comfortable and bring
comfort items. I keep various fidget toys in my office, but if you have something in mind
that may make you feel more secure during the session, it’s worth checking in with your
therapist to ensure they’re OK with you bringing it in.
Essential Enhancements
At the heart of every meaningful therapy experience is vulnerability — the willingness to show up honestly, even when it’s uncomfortable. Vulnerability is what allows the work to work. It’s what turns venting into healing, and reflection into growth. Whether you’re naming a hard truth out loud for the first time or telling your therapist, “I’m not sure this is helping,” these moments are not signs of weakness — they are acts of courage.
Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being seen, supported, and stretched in the direction of your most authentic self. The bravest thing you can do is let someone in — even just a little — and trust that healing doesn’t come from having all the answers, but from being willing to ask the hard questions and stay open to what follows.
With this in mind, the impact and experience of therapy can be enhanced with complimentary supports that may aid in the process of accessing and practicing vulnerability. This could include working with a psychiatrist to find or adjust medication to assist in reducing persistent, chronic symptoms. Another great resource could be finding a local support or treatment group where you can connect with peers and combat feelings of isolation and gain new perspectives or insights. Lastly, an underrated, but highly accessible tool is the use of podcasts and/or books. Currently on my personal to-read list is Self-Care for People with ADHD by Sasha Hamdani and Practices for Embodied Living by Hillary L McBride.
Written by Allyson Eads LISW-S
Grey Space Counseling, LLC
Find Allyson’s Conscious Community Collectives listing and contact information HERE.
